Slight pivot, sentiment the same. The Modern Man and his new Superpower…
The Problem Hypothesis for modern day men
Male professionals, leaders and broadly western men as a whole, are feeling mounting pressure.
Directly or indirectly pressured ‘to be normal’, to conform and not express themselves fully for fear of the potential consequences. Fear of being labelled, rejected, ‘cancelled’, attacked etc.
Society is shifting rapidly, and yet too many men are being left behind and disappearing in plain sight.
‘Disappearing’ may sound overly dramatic and poetic, and you’d be forgiven for asking: ‘What do I mean by disappearing, is that actually true?’.
Well, let me explain.
Many male leaders and professionals are outwardly succeeding, respected, even admired—but inside, silently struggling. And that’s just the wealthier end of the spectrum which, it is true, is in some ways still flourishing. But it’s not all rosy there, or lower down the economic ladder.
In short, many men are often present in title and role, but absent in essence.
Here’s how that silent struggle and disappearance plays out…
Male Friendship Recession: friendships are collapsing - men are seeing growing social disconnection and a rapid decline in close friendships.
15% of men in the US report no close friends. 28% of young men under 30 report having no close social connections.
Male Loneliness Epidemic at record highs - 55% of men in the UK reported feeling lonely during 2023/24, 40% on a regular basis.
Many male C-suite leaders are considering stepping down due to mental or emotional wellbeing, its also lonely at the top! CEOs are struggling: feeling isolated, burned out with the load, presenteeism, and harmonising with the emergence and power of AI are all create a complex cocktail of difficulties that are extremely difficult to address and balance out.
High-earners are feeling financial strain - *Ref: PYMNTS Intelligence 2024 study — 48% of $100k+ report living paycheck-to-paycheck
And of course as many already know, male suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50. Men account for 3 out of 4 'Deaths of Despair' (either suicide or overdose - mostly in the age range 40-49).
Here are some further statistics to help paint the picture:
men are 1.5 x more likely to be victims of violent crime
represent 73% of adults who 'go missing'
men are 3x more likely to become dependent on alcohol and to report frequent drug use
Dad Deficit: 1 in 5 fathers don't live with their children
60% of men hiding mental health struggles from their employer; 68% of those fear being seen as weak; 54% worry it will hurt their career progression; 39% fear changes in how colleagues treat them.
37% of UK men admit actively hiding their mental health issues from their partners.
65% of men avoid seeking medical help for as long as possible. 37% of men withhold information from their doctor (Ref: Nuffield Health)
About 50% of UK men have experienced mental health struggles, yet fewer than half of those have ever sought professional help.
Male jobs have been, and will continue to be, most hit by automation and free trade (men make up 70% of production jobs, 80% transportation and 90% construction jobs at threat by AI and automation)
More generally:
Leader loneliness: Perceptyx—senior leaders ≈2× as likely to feel isolated as junior employees; executive loneliness is widely reported
CEO departures hit records in 2024; many senior leaders cite burnout, AI disruption, and role load as reasons to step back
Deloitte 2024 Well-being at Work (with Workplace Intelligence): 59% workers, 66% managers, 71% C-suite would seriously consider a job change for better well-being
Senior physicians and partners show high burnout and presenteeism costs to firms; medicine reports ~47–49% burnout in recent annual surveys.
The issues are much more severe for men of lower economic backgrounds and ethnic minorities (approx. 17% of UK population), and include additional struggles like lower wages, additional education, skills and employment challenges and more. Wages of most men are now lower than they were in 1979, with the biggest fall in recent employment being young men (25-34).
Many of these are symptomatic of much deeper structural issues that create an array of problems with men (not problems of men, as pointed out by Rich Reeves in his must read book "‘Of Boys and Men’”). But exploring possible root causes are a topic for a later Blog post.
More importantly, the above hopefully serves as ample proof that despite progress in conversations, men are truly disappearing, both figuratively and literally. Too many still feel unseen, misunderstood, and without a clear way forward.
Disappearance feels like:
disconnection from their emotional lives, hiding mental health struggles
cut off from authentic vulnerability, from letting people and the world see who they truly are
feeling isolated and alone, even in leadership teams (disconnection in workplace and at home)
underperforming relationally (at home, with peers) - because they’ve shut off part of themselves, building up guilt/shame
avoidance - in asking for help, delaying dealing with physical or mental health issues
But looks like this:
Leaders who don’t bring their whole selves into meetings, stages or online presence
Professionals who feel heavy pressure, stress, burnout, health issues but talk only about KPIs, targets, outputs
Senior people becoming hollowed-out, efficient—but unfulfilled
Husbands, fathers, or partners who are physically present at home but emotionally absent, disconnected from the people who matter most
So by “disappearing” I mean: disappearing from connection, from authenticity, from expressing themselves fully so they can be known.
And it’s happening quietly, but the cost is huge.
Now I have made the case for why there is a disappearance, I want to articulate some of the confusion that surrounds the men who experience it.
Men are confused about their role today (in work or at home), masculinity, getting clear on their feelings, how to ask for help without appearing weak, how to progress in their profession alongside some of the changes that have (rightfully) taken place in regards to addressing gender inequality that may inadvertently result in positive discrimination towards men. We have a New Women Order, where women are excelling and outperforming men and we should celebrate that progress and continue to close the gap in the workplace. But we must turn attention to men now too, to use Rich Reeves’ words: ‘we need a pro-social vision for positive masculinity in a post feminist world’, something that complement this progress.
Put simply, the confusion shows up as uncertainty in:
-how men should act or behave
-what men should think
-how men should best balance everything in life
The net effect of all of the above, is that men have few response options at their disposal. If there is no change, men will continue to choose between:
Check out (Most! Disconnecting from themselves and others)
Act out (buying into culture wars e.g. far right extremism online, violence towards women, political violence etc); or
Burn out (resisting the situation, trying to break through by grinding away head down in the hope of getting themselves or their family to higher ground)
Hopefully I have convinced you, the silent crisis and quiet disappearance can no longer be ignored.
What Is the Modern Man?
Let’s start with my favourite quote on this topic from Carl Jung:
‘Merely living in the present does not make for a modern man. He alone is modern who is fully conscious of the present’
The Modern Man isn’t the perfectly polished performer of the past. The Modern Man is not about being “better.”
The Modern Man is about being present and whole—authentic, integrated, and deeply connected.
Mastering the integration of self-expression unlocks self-awareness, presence, authenticity, and connection that define the Modern Man.
This leads me to my hypothesis:
🔑Integrating Self-Expression → unlocks your full freedom and power as a Modern Man.
🚀Becoming a fully expressed Modern Man → critical to you having maximum Impact as a Leader, Partner, and Human in today’s rapidly evolving world
The thriving Modern Man is someone who is:
A mature and adaptive human, embracing vulnerability as a strength
Responsibly exploring and expressing the full, unique spectrum of who he is (or wishes to become)
Balanced and integrated, playfully curious while daring greatly
not defined by labels, status, or outdated stereotypes
doesn’t disappear behind work, success, or emotional suppression
Conscious of his impact—creating freedom, equality, safety, and joy for himself, those he loves, and society at large
Mastering the skills for Expressive Intelligence (ExQ): the key to measuring and mastering self-expression as the new foundation of modern masculinity.
Simplifying the Problems Men Face Today
Through the above problem hypothesis and my coaching, I see the same recurring patterns grouped as the following problem themes:
Emotional Overload – stress, anxiety, and mental noise without healthy release.
Silent Suffering – bottling emotions, not reaching out for help or support and withdrawing from connection.
Relationship & Connection Struggles – being physically present but emotionally absent.
Direction & Purpose Confusion – unclear priorities or living by others’ expectations.
Changing Social Norms & Role Confusion: Outdated Masculinity Norms and the Pressure of Traditional Masculinity– shifting gender roles and uncertainty around identity. Pressure to appear strong, stoic, and self-reliant. Conflicting expectations of provider, leader, and protector.
Financial & Career Pressures – rising strain despite high earnings and career demands.
Physical Health Decline – neglect of wellbeing, delayed check-ups, preventable issues.
Life Transitions – midlife crises, career plateaus, divorce, ageing, or family shifts.
Technology’s Double-Edged Sword – distraction, comparison, and reduced real-world presence.
These challenges are not just personal struggles, they’re cultural.
Here’s the mini-Pivot…
My revised Mission and Vision as a Coach from today:
Mission
To create a relatable safe space where the Modern Man can re-emerge.
That inspires him to open up, master and measure Self-Expression.
To build a Playground for creatively levelling-up wellbeing, fuelled by Playful Curiosity.
To provide a Change Framework to deliver fulfilling Life Changes & Passion Projects
To achieve this, I want to redefine modern masculinity through Expressive Intelligence (ExQ)—turning vulnerability into strength, and expression into connection, leadership, and joy.
Vision
To see a world where the complete freedom and power of the Modern Man is unlocked by…
mastering one skill above all: Integrated Self-Expression
Why It Matters, why it is critical for accomplishing your Objectives (for male Leaders & Professionals initially at least)
Authentic Leadership – Leadership without authenticity breeds mistrust, low engagement, and shallow culture. We need strong leaders now more than ever! True executive presence and gravitas comes not from polish alone, but from embodied authenticity and expressive intelligence. people don’t follow abstract statements; they follow leaders who express them with conviction and truth.
Alignment of Values – integrated self-expression ensures decisions match the deeper “why,” not just surface goals.
Emotional Resilience – turning vulnerability into strength reduces burnout and silent suffering.The more high-status you are, the harder it often is to show vulnerability—but paradoxically the more you need it: to inspire, to connect, to sustain.
Clarity & Direction – if you can’t articulate your mission, you can’t align others around it. Expression aligned with values brings purpose and sharper decision-making.
Stronger Personal Relationships – openness deepens connection at home, in teams, and with peers.
Resilience Under Pressure – when setbacks come, self-expression allows leaders to voice struggles, adapt, and keep momentum without losing authenticity.
Sustainable Success & Execution – unexpressed tensions or suppressed emotions derail execution; expressed alignment keeps energy and focus flowing. Plus, a clear change framework turns ambition into fulfilment, not just output.
Connection & Influence – expression turns vision into something others feel emotionally invested in. Openness and expressive intelligence deepen strategic relationships, inspire loyalty, and strengthen networks.
Cultural Relevance – redefining masculinity positions men to thrive in changing social norms.
Innovation & Creativity – playful curiosity fuels fresh ideas and adaptive problem-solving.
Legacy & Impact – re-emerging men model healthier, freer ways of living for future generations
Health Preservation and Longevity - Suppressed emotion leads to physical and mental health issues, which reduce performance, raise absenteeism, and eventually may force exits (or worse).
Legacy & Impact – re-emerging men model healthier, freer ways of living for future generations.
The Big Message
The future of modern masculinity depends on Expressive Intelligence (ExQ).
Let’s make this the Chapter for the Re-Emerging Modern Man: Unlocking Freedom, Power, and Connection Through Self-Expression.
—developing the skills necessary to allow men to show up whole, turning vulnerability into strength, authenticity into leadership, and expression into connection, fulfilment, and lasting impact.
Good Communicator vs. Good Expressor
Most men are good communicators. They can present ideas, run meetings, and make their point.
But few are good expressors.
A communicator shares information.
An expressor shares themselves.
A communicator may inform, skilfully I might add.
But an expressor inspires, connects, and creates trust.
In today’s world, leaders and men who express authentically create deeper impact—in love, work, and life.
My 6-Step RAISED Framework for Self-Expression (6 ExQ Skills)
I guide men through a proven pathway to expressive freedom I call RAISED:
R – Resonance (Connection)
Land your message, adapt in the moment, and create real impact.A – Awareness
Be fully present with both your inner world and outer world.I – Intention
Set your North Star — clarity of purpose behind every expression.S – Simplicity
Express yourself in an elegant, relatable, and human way.E – Execution Craft
Craft your delivery with skill — the right form, tone, and medium.D – Daring Authenticity
Show courage to be vulnerable and real, embodying integrated masculinity.
This isn’t theory—it’s a lived process that builds expressive muscle, confidence, and connection.
I will be releasing an ExQ Scorecard shortly, a diagnostic tool that assesses how well you have mastered each of these skills towards becoming a thriving Modern Man.
Implications to Coaching and Mentoring
With the new Modern Man persona in clear view, I now consider myself branded the Modern Man Coach.
I have adapted my coaching and mentoring offerings to reflect the needs of the men who will benefit from this Vision and Mission the most.
Get in touch if you would like to discuss my coaching or self-mastery group mentoring programme, I’d be happy to help!
Coaching Brochure: here
Self-Mastery Mentoring Programme Brochure: here
ALPS: Agile Life Planning System
If self-expression is the spark, our ALPS (Agile Life Planning System) is the structure that sustains it.
ALPS is our unique system for planning life like a series of meaningful projects. It transforms expressive breakthroughs into a clear roadmap for living—so men not only feel freer but also live with purpose, balance, and fulfilment.
It’s where leadership meets lifestyle. Or your unique Lifestyle expression, to stick with the lingo!
Reach out if you would like to discuss or want more information.
Who I Work With
I specialise in supporting high-achieving men—professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs earning £60k+—who struggle with any of the above.
They often:
Look successful on paper, but feel empty or unfulfilled inside
Are overwhelmed by stress or directionless in purpose
Bottle emotions, fearing judgement or rejection
Want to live authentically, with clarity, confidence, and connection
If this resonates—you are not alone. And there is another way forward.
I’m offering a new option to men than the dysfunctional ones today (Act Out, Burn Out, Check Out).
You can choose to Break Out of the cycle, to forge a new way forwards for yourself and men as a whole that works with the flow of the times. If you dare greatly as Brene Brown says…
Breaking Out means choosing Self-Expression and the Freedom, Expression and Creation that comes with it.
Your Next Step?
This isn’t about coping. It’s about creating a new vision of modern masculinity.
If you’re ready to step forwards into the world of self-expression mastery and thrive, sign-up to my newsletter to hear more.
Or Book a Consultation – let’s explore your personal pathway to self-expression
Final thoughts
Self-expression is the key to the thriving Modern Man.
This is the positive vision of masculinity the world needs: not men disappearing, but men reappearing—present, whole, and fully alive.
As James Hollis reminds us:
“We may become strangers to those who thought they knew us, but at least we are no longer strangers to ourselves.”
